I am most recently married again for the third time. I knew going into it that this marriage was going to be forever no matter what I had to do. Unfortunately, my previous marriages ended due to substance abuse (their’s) and I had no choice but to end things for the safety and well-being of my children. I was very cautious this time around and made sure I picked someone who was reliable and steady. Everything that I needed in a man and a relationship.
After five years of dating, we decided to get married and pretty soon after we started arguing more. I will take the blame for some of that because I think part of me was rebelling. But after many talks we decided that we wanted to do whatever it took to make our marriage work not only for our sakes, but for the sake of our children. We decided to do a few things differently as an experiment and I am so glad that we did.
I know everyone says this and it’s easier said than done but this is been an absolute lifesaver in my marriage. It is too easy to neglect your matrimonial duties when life gets in the way. And by life, I mean children, jobs, parents etc.
We decided that we would go on a date night every week no matter what. We also decided we would stop going on the same old dates all the time. No more Applebee’s followed by a trip to Kroger. We went to different places and tried different things. At one point we just went to Lowe’s and bought an air conditioner but I had so much fun laughing and cutting up with him.
We also tried the date in a box which is a monthly box subscription. I’m not gonna say it was worth the $40 but it was something different and something fun. It came with a boardgame, some reading, some movie suggestions and some food to try. We also were able to write our marriage date on a lock and go put it somewhere meaningful, where it will stay forever.
The more we did together, the closer we got.
It is so easy to get complacent when you’re around someone all the time. You lose the spark and the willingness or the need to impress them and flirt. You stop telling your significant other that they are attractive and just assume they know you still feel this way. I know that was one thing that was definitely missing from my life. So I decided that I would start flirting with him more so he would see what I wanted directly from me.
I put more effort into my appearance and made sure to text him provocative texts throughout the day. It was awkward at first but I caught on pretty quick and it definitely helped spice things up which leads me to my next point.
Sex is like anything else. If you eat spaghetti every day you will get tired of it. Sometimes you want a steak. So to make things up a bit and to shake up the routine we tried a different approach. Instead of saying, “Let’s go”and going to bed at 9:30 we would flirt with each other and let things happen naturally.
However, we would always make sure to have sex at least once a week no matter what. That is the minimum we needed to maintain our connection. A normal, healthy sex life is the key to a lot of relationship issues. I think we all go through droughts in this area but it’s important that we get back on track as soon as possible before things are unfixable.
The most surprising of all the things that helped us was an app. It actually was a marriage counseling app and although we both went into it a little apprehensively, it worked. Not only did it work but it worked amazingly. This app covered everything from trust to sex to differences in parenting. It taught us a lot about communication and our different communication styles. I could not recommend this more. It is free and will not hurt to give it a shot! There are several different apps out there to try and I’m sure they are all good.
I am by no means a marriage expert. If anything, I might be called a marriage failure but I know one thing for certain. This one will not fail because of anything that I don’t do.